As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
