Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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