$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
