the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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