Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When did we convert life to cartoon?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
