you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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