Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
