what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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