Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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