Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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