but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
