What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
