My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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