dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
