can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
