I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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