I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
