6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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