I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
