Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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