His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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