This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
