she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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