You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
