I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
