Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
