wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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