I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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