Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
