i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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