i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
