Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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