Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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