Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
