I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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