Pappa wants mamma naked
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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