Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize