he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
