i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
