i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
