I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
