dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
