Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
