Michael Bay diarrhea
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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