Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.