How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms