Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.