Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.