I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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