Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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