i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize