hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
