i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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