i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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