Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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