whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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