I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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