My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Alive.
So much puke
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
