i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
