I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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