mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
