lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
party gras won. party gras always wins.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
