Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
